In the Interests of Public Safety, Ban Everything!

 Do it for The Children <sup>TM

Truly weapons-grade satire here.</sup>

In Honor of Empty Chair Day, Ladies and Gentlemen, I Give You………..

 

The BarackaLounger:

If you aren’t going to accomplish anything you might as well do it in comfort.

(Update: added “O” logo)

An Open Letter to "Mr." Obama

The incomparable Vodkapundit has written a letter to our Dear Leader, offering some good advice about what he should do if SCOTUS strikes down the healthcare law:

Mr. Obama, if the Supreme Court does strike down this law, you should get down on both knees and thank them.

And then you ought to stay there a while and beg us all for forgiveness.
 

We’re waiting.

Do go and read the whole thing.

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The Sarah Inside the Liberals' Heads

Behold, the mighty Iowahawk. A sample:

Knockity knock!

 

Oh hi there! I was out shooting caribou on the Arctic Cat and saw your synapse lights on, and so I said to myself, "now, gosh darn it, Sarah, you've been living inside this nice person's cerebral cortex for, what is it, almost two years now? By golly, it's about time you dropped in at their frontal lobe with a plate of your famous homemade Alaska welcome wagon cookies and introduced yourself." So anyhoo, I sure hope you like 'em. Don't want to give out a family recipe, but the secret ingredient is baby seal. I clubbed 'em fresh this morning!

 

Oh my goodness... you look kind of confused. I get that a lot! You were probably thinking, "hey, I only wanted to move next door to Sarah Palin -- now what in the goshdarned heck is she doing inside my brain?" Well ya see, the deal is I'm not Sarah, but boy I gotta tell ya, we sure do get mistaken all the time! No, I'm just a plain ol' homunculus Sarah Palin that your own id created to sublimate your deep-seated psychosexual neuroses. Or so those egghead books say, anyway. But if you ask me that sure sounds like a lot of elite Anti-America liberal professor gobbledegook! By the way, your id says hi.

Read the whole thing.

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P.J. O'Rourke on Why "Closing the Wealth Gap" is a Bad Idea

P.J. O'Rourke explains why efforts to close the "wealth gap" are a a bad idea and destined to fail, as they have everytime they've been tried. This gets to the heart of the matter:

But proposing to close the "wealth gap" is worse than silly. It entails a lie. The notion of economic equality is based on an ancient and ugly falsehood central to bad economic thinking: There's a fixed amount of wealth. Wealth is zero-sum. If I have too many cups of tea, you have to lick the tea pot. But wealth is based on productivity. Productivity is expandable. Otherwise there wouldn't be any economic thinking, good or bad, or any tea or tea pots either.

Read the whole thing.

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ObamaJobs! - Just What the Doctor Ordered

I somehow missed this brilliant proposal by my friend, Dr. Paul Hsieh nearly two weeks ago, but this kind of goodness has no expiration date. He has hit upon the solution for the unemployment problem. ObamaJobs! It is modeled after ObamaCare. It's such an obvious solution, we all should have seen it.

Simply by varying a few features of ObamaCare, the president could guarantee nearly “universal” employment just as ObamaCare has guaranteed nearly “universal” health coverage. He could implement an “ObamaJobs” program as follows:

1) Impose a “job mandate” requiring all companies with greater than 50 employees to add 10% new employees to their payrolls. So if a company currently has 50 employees, they would need to hire 5 new workers. If a company has 100 employees, they must hire 10 new workers, etc.

There's more.  Go read the whole thing.
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How to Make a Proper Apology

(stolen shamelessly fromvia Vodkapundit)

Tweeting Financial Armageddon with Iowahawk

The always brilliant Iowahawk tweets the number of calamities that will befall us if the debt limit isn't raised. This one is just too horrible to contemplate:

Cowboy poetry utterly lacking in metre.

Even Sesame Street won't be immune:

Sesame Street descends into Mad Maxian anarchy; Oscar the Grouch fashions shivs out the letter J and the number 4

Read the whole thing.

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Andrew Klavan Has a Question for the Ages

Why do black people vote for Democrats?



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The Scourge of the ATM Machine

Brought to you by Mary Katharine Ham.....



(via Instapundit)

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A Brilliant Defense of Free Speech by Mark Steyn

Mark Steyn makes a remote appearance at an event held by Australia's Institute for Public Affairs to stand up for the free speech rights of Australia's best known conservative columnist, Andrew Bolt. Bolt is being prosecuted under the country's very restrictive racial tolerance laws.

Mark Steyn on Free Speech at the IPA from Institute of Public Affairs on Vimeo.

(Via  Power Line)
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OMG, It's Right Under Me!

I don't know why this one amuses me so much but it does.

Your mileage may vary.

(via Charlie Martin at The Tatler)

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If Life Were Like Facebook...

(via Ann Althouse)

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Weinermandiaus - More Iowahawk Brilliance

With apologies to Percy Bysshe Shelley

Obama's Inner Bracket

The blogger known as Zombie got to thinking about Obama's bracket picks for the college basketball finals and a question occured to her; "Don’t we all have what is essentially an “inner bracket” which delineates our personal hierarchy of priorities, beliefs, behaviors and traits? If there was a bracket which revealed the inner workings of Obama’s mind, what would it look like? And what trait would emerge dominant?"

See the answer here.

(via Power Line)

Well Duh, Where Else Would It Be?

The headline writer had fun with this one: "Deputy: Strip Search Finds Crack Between Buttocks"

That's some fine detective work there, deputy.
(via Boortz)

Your Public Sector Unions at Work - Andrew Klavan

Andrew Klavan explains how private and public sector unions are different and what it means for you, the taxpayer.

World Currency Markets Ruled by a Kabal of Kitties

Author Claire Berlinski, whose excellent book, "There Is No Alternative: Why Margaret Thatcher Matters" I am in the midst of reading, is guest-blogging over at Power Line where she makes this rather stunning admission:

"I'm that journalist who lives in Istanbul with seven cats and secretly manipulates the world's currency markets from her basement, also known as the Alexander Haig of Ricochet."

Does anyone else realize what this means? As anyone who has ever owned a cat knows, you don't own the cat, you are its staff and it owns and manipulates you.  This can only mean one thing. The world's currency markets are not being manipulated by Claire, as she thinks (they just allow her to think that), but by a cabal of tabbys. Claire merely carries out their wishes.  The world makes a lot more sense once you understand this fact.

I wonder if I sent them some catnip or kitty treats would they do something about my 401(k).

Just asking.

Blackberry Help

Very clever.



(h/t Lee!)

Some Helpful Job-Hunting Advice for Soon-To-Be Ex Senators and Congress-Critters

......Courtesy of Iowahawk.  Hilarious, as always. A sample:

In order to land that good job back in your home district, you first need to understand the ins and outs of the non-Washington economic system. Unlike Washington's easy-to-understand system of leveraging raw unbridled rulemaking and police power to extract tribute from fearful and/or favor-seeking constituents, non-Washington industries are largely based on the production of "goods" or "services." It sounds complicated, but the basic idea boils down to making things or doing things that other people will pay for. The complicated part is to remember that they must pay for them voluntarily.

Read the whole thing.